I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
