did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
