You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was like having sex with a tree stump
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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