Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
