I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
