The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize