dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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