the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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