i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
