There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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