i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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