well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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