Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize