ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
