last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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