I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You pole danced in your parka.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
