I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and she was petting her beer can
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When are your genitals available?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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