I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
