at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
