sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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