But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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