yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
