Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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