i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
