He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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