Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
