Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
