You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize