meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He passed out mid-signature
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize