why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
