If i come over, it means nothing
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
