Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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