Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure

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(303): View more from Colorado

My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.

Fav 16 2080 3687
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(706): View more from Georgia

Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

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(630): View more from Illinois

a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.

Fav 12 5499 1310
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.

Fav 36 1278 6282
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(614): View more from Ohio

All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave

Fav 6 3552 1148
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off

Fav 2 2337 1650
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.

Fav 1 352 444
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?

(1-605): View more from South Dakota

Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!

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