Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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