maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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