to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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