i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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