Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize