I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
