I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
