I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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