Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize