trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
