u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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