Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
