yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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