My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
