just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
