Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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