Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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