i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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