u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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