sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
