doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
