i just google imaged poop.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just gargled with NyQuil
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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