YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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