I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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