You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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