He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
