Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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