umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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