I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
this is an emotional support booty call
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize