I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
